Don't go there, sugar! Not the island paradise we expected and wouldn't go there for half the price. Having been to Club Med in Bali a couple of times already we were fully aware of what to expect of a Club Med...or so we thought. Within minutes of arrival we went to breakfast where I smiled at the door greeter G.O (staff member whose job is to interact with guests all the time) and expressed my surprise at the fact that dedicated door greeters were not used (as per Bali). "Are you demeaning my job?" she responded, po-faced. Thinking she must be teasing I countered by remarking on the fact that her skills might not be being used to the fullest in that position. She stormed off without a word, leaving a very red-faced co-GO left to apologize for her. Later that day she showed us to our table and, recognizing her, I apologized for having evidently caused offence. "I'm just not having a good time at the moment", she said, then after a minute more discussion stormed off again. If you've been to a Club Med before you'll know that the GO's are everywhere, and near everything you do. Imagine a trip where a gloomy cloud just fills every room you enter and you'll get an idea of the impression this made on us. The island is nothing special at all; no scintillating shopping bargains, lots of knock-offs and the usual knickknacks but none of it remarkably cheap. It rained every day we were there, yet the best the club could do other than a left hand throw/right hand throw dart competition every couple of days was bring out the Scrabble and Monopoly...which were French. The food was boring and hygiene questionable; meat dishes were overcooked (all except the offal, which was decidedly undercooked). Some foods made encore appearances from meal to meal with little effort to disguise them (confirmed by a staff member!). Cold, cream-based sauces were often warm, the floor was greasy (Club Med remedy: stick out "Caution" signs every single day!). French guests would handle all the bread as they cut pieces off loaves for themselves. Small birds would fly up on tables and even the servery areas with little attention paid by staff. Another guest even protested to the Sous Chef about the birds jumping all over a loaf that was out. He nodded his acknowedgement...then put the loaf back into the basket! GO's even made us wait as they served themselves at the buffet and on one occasion even took the last of the food that my wife was waiting for! Even better, one night when requesting a pizza from the pizza cook on the buffet I asked for a slice of what turned out to be someone else's special cheese-pizza order. When I asked for a similar dish the cook told me to get the ingredients myself. When I (disbelievingly) asked where he imagined I might get the ingredients he tut-tutted, frowning, and waved towards the buffet. GO's would sit at the bar sipping coffee or at nearby tables smoking whilst we sat alone and astonished. The Chef de Village would actively avoid us. When I asked an English-speaking GO if he could honestly recall a time the boss had actually approached an English-speaking guest he frowned, went silent for some time, then said, "Actually you're right; I've never seen him do that". Bar service was woeful. Would sometimes spend up to two minutes waiting at an empty bar with four bar staff around, much to the amusement of fellow guests who were similarly appalled. Drinks were almost never done right - refused to blend ice for special orders/blue margharitas not blue/used raspberry slushy to try to make the next one blue etc etc. I know this last sounds minor, but good grief, it's supposed to be a freakin' international hotel bar,and if all you can do is sit there and drink and play French Monopoly, it would be nice to have a win on one of them. Activities were few and far between, with a number of them cancelled 'due to the weather'. Or try "we changed the schedule for today" - but didn't tell the Guests that they had, or try "go to the Gym" when we complained there were no alternate activities to sitting at the bar. We paid far less than the usual fare for this trip thanks to a Travel Agent honouring a misprint we pointed out to them. And we got far less than we paid for.